(Pt. 2) Eclipses, Candida Cleanses and Father Wounds
- Dayna Pender
- Apr 4
- 7 min read
Have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If my life stayed exactly as it is right now, would I be okay with that a year from now?
It's a question that stirs something deep inside, doesn’t it?
The second eclipse has passed, and the energy around us is shifting, but where do we stand? As we awaken from the long winter slumber, it feels like it’s time for something new. The past is tugging at us, things are shifting within—and it’s all part of a grand cleansing, a ‘spring cleaning’ of sorts for our souls. But what happens when we start peeling back the layers, confronting our wounds, and facing what we’ve buried for so long?
In this post, I’m diving into how an unexpected cleanse led me to confront some uncomfortable truths about my father wound, the patterns that keep us stuck, and what happens when we stop running from the emotional baggage we thought we had already dealt with.
Ready to uncover what’s been holding you back? Keep reading
This time of year always feels quite intense and chaotic. It’s time to lighten the load. To welcome in the new and have a fresh start for the fiery months to come.
How are you doing right now? Tell me in the comments below
I finished the last blog post with the promise of talking about the ‘father wound’ and how I recognised something big, in light of starting the candida cleanse.
When your habitual patterns are changed; like a change in diet- you begin to see and feel things inside you that you hadn’t before. To me, it’s been a way of stripping the self of all its coping mechanisms, of all the comforts. To expose what's hidden underneath.
Although some things do just feel better buried and left alone. Processing emotions and trauma has never been our strong suit. Pushing it under the carpet, away from sight has been the go-to for so many of us.
What would we even do in the face of big emotions?
Especially if you hadn’t been taught how to as a child?
The Father wound- A term instagram has gotten so used to throwing around.. {In short, it refers to the impact of the relationship you had with your father figure when you were very young}
The thing is guys, my dad is one of my dearest friends now, and we have a good relationship. I can tell him anything or call on him when I need help. He’s open-minded and has dived deep into spirituality and healed a lot from his family's past.
This is where it got confusing for me.
Since going through an intensely painful and confusing break up 3 years ago I have dove deep into healing and looking at the origin of the pain I felt. Learning that the pain I was experiencing was not in fact, about my ex, but about my relationship with my parents, I realised I had some healing to do.
A lot of the therapists I worked with and the psychology books I read all pointed toward the relationship with my mother. This is the closest relationship you have as a baby. She feeds you, cares for you and is often more present than father. I discovered similarities between my ex’s behaviour and my mothers and realised that the child inside me was begging to be loved and listened to.
Over the last few years I focused on this. Learning to nurture myself and have loving compassion for this little girl inside.
And what about the impact of my fathers actions or inaction?
It didn’t seem to matter much. I am friends with him now. He is here for me now, so why would what happened back then matter? It doesn’t, right?
Not right- because actually it mattered to my inner child.
Everything that happens to us is remembered and engrained within our cells and memory. The period from the ages of 0-3 years are crucial in forming our perceptions of the world, and where we are in it. It's not only that which happens to us however, it's also about what we didn't get. From love, attention, guidance and presence. For example, if our father figure wasn't present, this would have just as much of an impact on our development.
Just before I began this journey of purification (read about it in my last blog post), over 3 weeks ago now, I had recurring thoughts of my ex. I was crying, I was angry. It was as if the break up just happened. There was something I still wasn’t grasping. When something is still alive within the psyche or you find it hard to let go of there is usually something still to be realised or learned.
I searched high and low for the answer. Talking it through with my therapist, loads of my friends and chatgpt (lol). Why was he still on my mind? I was frustrated. Can he fuck off already. Let me move on! I gave up and let go many times. Did ritual after ritual. I burned paper and the energetic ties we had between us.
I 'let go' of him so many times.
And still, it was with me. And this is where it gets interesting. If I was learning correctly: present pain often points to something bigger that happened in the past.
I took a trip back home to my parents about a week after going off sugar. One morning, I was feeling a bit wobbly and I went into the kitchen. ‘Good mornin’, said my dad and just as he asked me if I had slept well, he lit up a fag and went out the back to smoke it.
A wave of sadness overcame me at that moment.
“Where did he go? Why did he leave?” Anger. Rage. Tears even!
I take a moment to just breathe and to figure out what's actually going on. My reaction seemed a bit intense for what was actually happening, I thought.
And that's when I saw it. The information registered and all the jigsaw pieces fell into place.
In that moment, my inner child felt abandoned, rejected and left alone. As if what she had to say was unimportant and my dad walking out meant that about me. Ultimately she felt deeply unworthy of her fathers attention.
FUCK! I thought. (These are all my unmet needs I have from when I was a child)
It was like watching the final threads of a tapestry weave together—each strand once loose and uncertain, now forming a masterpiece that had been waiting to reveal itself all along.
It was here, in my face.
I was so excited, while simultaneously holding my inner child telling her that her father would be back AND that it really isn’t what she thinks.
These had been very similar feelings and narratives I had been telling myself about my ex.
side note: (all of these years of meditation practice came in so handy in this moment)
It was quite a humbling moment. Instead of owning my need to be heard, I was projecting that onto my dad. However, it wasn’t only my dad I was projecting my unmet needs onto, they were also being projected onto my ex.
Projection is quite a strange and almost scary thing. It's like when you put someone on a pedestal. You paint someone with your preconceived ideas of who you see them as. Or what you see them as. Projection prevents you from living in reality. It also prevents connection from occurring.
That person can never be who they truly are when you are holding them to some image, vision or use (in this case: to meet my needs of feeling important).
It's heartbreaking because under my projection of them, I haven't really had a chance to know them. Or for them to show up for me how they want to.
This is a big moment of growth for me. Another layer of responsibility to take over my inner landscape and a great opportunity to own my needs and ultimately, meet them myself.
As well as being devoted to life, I am equally as devoted to growth. So, I'm here for it!
It's also such a great way to give your power away!
have you any direct experience with this?
Moving forward I understand myself more and can take ownership of all parts of me and the needs I have. I hope this realisation will allow me to have better connections with men from now on and that I can be a good partner for whoever comes along next ;)
In other news, I have a job interview on Saturday for a very cool cafe by the beach and I'm doing a full time digital marketing course which is inspiring me a lot.
My cleanse is going very well. I don’t care for biscuits, chocolate or crisps at all. I don’t care to eat bread or rice or pasta or even sweet potato. I’ve had ‘die-off’ symptoms appear this week again but nothing too serious.
What I do miss is; eating out!
My creativity for cooking has soared. Each meal I make is free of preservatives, additives and carbohydrates. Around 80% of what I consume is organic. I’m really proud of myself. People have pointed out my glowing skin too, so that helps and pushes me to keep going. I feel beautiful from the inside.
I am content. I am trusting the unfolding and completely surrendered to God.
Thanks for reading,
Dayna
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A serious question for you:
Imagine your life one year from now.
If it's the same as it is right now, will you be okay with that?
If you are ready to look more in depth at your inner landscape and experience more vibrancy in your growth journey, book a coaching call with me today:
OR
If you’re not sure, just book a 20 minute FREE discovery call to decide if this is the right fit for you:
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